How to make porridge

Two ingredients: best breakfast ever

I can’t cook and refuse to learn.

But I know three recipes: porridge, spag bol, and anything with 2 types of booze in it.

Porridge is my favourite. It’s simple, quick and has two ingredients. Neither are booze, but you can’t have everything.

Ingredients (serves 1)

1/2 cup porridge oats (Flahavan’s are the best.)

1 cup semi-skimmed milk

img_7658Method

Pour the oats into a saucepan. Add the milk. Heat gently whilst stirring.

After 5-10 mins the porridge will start to thicken and turn into gorgeous, soupy, porridgey loveliness.

Then all you have to do is wait for the children to turn up and complain that you haven’t made pancakes.

 

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Breakfast of champions: the egg muffin

Egg muffin

Ingredients

1 breakfast muffin
butter
1 egg
3-4 cocktail sausages
ketchup

Equipment

Small frying pan
Egg ring
Plastic slice
Bread knife

How to make

Split the egg muffin in half lengthways and pop in the toaster.

Meanwhile, stick a bit of heat under the frying pan. Put the egg ring in the frying pan ( you don’t need any butter or oil) and crack the egg into it. The egg will flow into a beautiful disc shape. Kick off your preferred coffee making routine. If you live in London, this will mean ordering a Starbucks via Uber Eats to be droned in through the kitchen window. Or stick the kettle on for a cup of instant.

Split the cocktail sausages and place, cut side down, next to the egg ring to heat through.
By now, the muffin should be toasting nicely. Hoik it out and butter it.
Arrange the cocktail sausages on the muffin and top with the egg once cooked through (2-3 minutes.)
Place the top half of the muffin and voila, a breakfast that will get you through an entire day of any number of children firing questions at you relentlessly.